So, it’s been a long week. I had my first official OB appointment on Monday, and it turned out to be my last OB appointment. The midwife couldn’t hear the heartbeat with the doppler so she had me get another ultrasound (my 4th). Unfortunately, there was no heartbeat, no cardiac activity. The little bean stopped growing.
To say I was devistated is a complete and utter understatement. I was ironically much more concerned with the effect this would have on Coz than on myself, since he’s gone through this before. We spent much of Monday blaming ourselves. I called my mom and told her not to come over, but of course she didn’t listen to me and at the insistence of my stepfather she did come over after work and brought flowers. Moms have a way of knowing when to hear you and not listen in just the right way.
I was given the option to miscarry on my own or to have a D&C. The thought of waiting to miscarry was the most terrifying thought so I immediately opted for the procedure. They couldn’t do it until Friday, which was another blow, having to wait so long to take care of things.
I had to go on Wednesday for a preop appointment with the OB of the office, whom I’d not met yet. I brought a bunch of questions with me. She reassured me that Coz’s fears (drug use in the 70’s) had nothing to do with this, and that any sperm affected would have been gone years ago. She also said his DNA wouldn’t have been damaged, which was his greatest fear. She reminded me that it’s thought that 25% of ALL conceptions end this way, generally due to some genetic quirk that makes the fetus non-viable.
She then proceeded to tell me–several times–how I’m of ‘advanced maternal age’ and therefore I have a 1 in 2 chance of miscarriage because of this. She also suggested I think about seeing a specialist should we consider trying to conceive again. She called my womb old so many times I’m considering applying for an AARP card for my uterus.
I did go to work on Thursday. One coworker wouldn’t stop hugging me, and it got to be pretty damn annoying. Everyone else however was cool, which helped.
The procedure on Friday was much easier than I anticipated. They let me keep my mp3 player so I drifted off to Genesis and awoke to Genesis. They’re one of my favorite groups because Coz sings so much of them and he’s such a huge fan. I had no nausea at all, and didn’t have any pain until several hours later when I had some cramps that weren’t too bad. I don’t remember anything after sliding over onto the operating table, having the oxygen tubing placed in my nose, and putting my legs in the stirrups. The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery area.
I did overdo it yesterday because I felt so well. I’ve had hardly any pain other than the occasional twinge. I’ve had nothing but spotting until last night when I strained to have a bowel movement. I’m skipping the state fair today because I’m sure all that walking wouldn’t be a good idea so soon after. I did ALL the bed linens yesterday, including the kids’ stuff, blankets included.
Speaking of the kids, they seemed to handle the news as well as could be expected. I think it’s probably weird for them because the idea of the pregnancy was still an abstract concept to them. I wasn’t showing, there were no kicks to feel, etc. Jesse did ask me right away if we were going to get pregnant again. We are, although we have to give it a few months.
The tissue that was removed during the D&C is being sent to the lab for pathology, and is also being sent to genetics. They’re going to try to grow enough cells to run genetic testing on the tissue to see if they can determine the reason for the fetal demise. Coz and I are also going for preliminary genetic screening to see if either of us are carriers for anything. I was advised to wait until I have two periods before we try to conceive. This should give the genetic testing enough time to come back (she said about 6 wks is average) and also give the lining of my uterus enough time to replenish itself. I’ve upped my iron to twice a day to help this along.
We’ve decided once we get through our blood tests and my post-op appointment in a few weeks we’re going to find another OB. I have absolutely no problem with that office as far as the GYN part goes, but they’re sorely lacking in compassion at times in the OB arena. I in no way blame them at all for what happened. I am still mystified however at the spotting because I’ve been told this had nothing to do with it. So what was the reason for it then? This is one of the questions I’m bringing up with the new OB when I find one.
My goal is to be pregnant by Christmas. I’m not looking forward to spending all of next summer pregnant but it beats the alternative, right? I’m confident that advanced maternal age aside, we’ll have no problems this next go-round. I’m also confident that I will be in better shape physically when I do conceive again. My biggest concern has been how soft I am around the middle, and with all the pelvic rest and spotting I was afraid to even do Kegels so half the time when I sneeze I wet myself a little bit. That’s fun. Maybe I am getting old? NAH!
