OK, here’s the deal. I’ve been with the same INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL man, Coz, for not quite 3 years now. I tracked him down on the internet through Yahoo messenger. We chatted for about a month, had our first date the night before Thanksgiving in 2005. It was INSTANT karma, immediate attraction, like two puzzle pieces fitting together, snug as a bug in a rug. By the following January I had moved in with him.
He and his ex-wife have two wonderful children, who were adopted from Colombia. His ex-wife miscarried twice, early on in each pregnancy, and this is what brought Max and Gabby into their lives. They live with their mom, close by, about 8 minutes from our house.
I have one son with my ex-husband; I had him 5 days before my 22nd birthday. He’s an AMAZING person, and he’s changing so fast right now that he can’t keep up and neither can I. He just turned 13 yesterday. He lives with his father, about 30 minutes away. I’ll get in to the reasons why later on.
When Coz & I first got together, he had talked about us having a child. Back then I was dead set against it. About a year later, I was talking about us having a child, and he was dead set against it. So….earlier this year I started thinking about it again, and I reasoned that we should at least try for 6 months and what happened, happened. He agreed, and 3 months after having my IUD removed, I’m pregnant!
Oh god…..I’m pregnant.
Now what??? I mean, what was I thinking?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled, but I’m also terrified. I’m a nurse, I work at a family practice office so we have newborns right on through to elderly patients and when a call comes in about little babies I don’t know what to tell the parents. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’ve ever been through this before. Hell, Coz told me he knew I was pregnant before I did, and I didn’t believe the first test when I took it. My boobs are sore and full, I can’t fit into a few bras, and it didn’t occur to me at first why that might be.
We’ve decided to wait until the first trimester is over before we tell anyone. So naturally I spilled the beans at work to a coworker my first day back after I found out. I just hate keeping secrets!
I asked Coz to promise me that we won’t start calling each other “mother” and “father” because that creeps me out and reminds me of old people, so of course he’s been calling me “mother”.
So, I’m pretty tired now. I was on vacation last week but have been back since yesterday. I haven’t been sleeping the greatest for 2-3 weeks now, although it did get slightly better yesterday (it’s the hormones). I need to try to get some rest for tonight. So long for now!
